Beautiful Scars

We tend to think of scars as ugly, don’t we? They’re reminders of our stupidity, weakness, tragedy, abuse, pain. We may occasionally take pride in one with a great story behind it, but for the most part we hide them in shame.

I know that’s how I’ve often felt about mine. There’s one from disembowelment I’ve always particularly hated. (ok, it was really an ileostomy & reversal 😉). Sometimes I look on it with a sense of pride. Here is proof I can be a warrior! I fought for my life after a premature birth and overcame! But most often, I only see the imperfections. The reminder that I’ve always been small and weak. The fact that I can’t take credit for my scars. After all, I was just a newborn. What did I really do? That’s all down to God, my parents, and the doctors.

But I’m learning that’s where the beauty lies. No battle is won, no scar overcome, by a lone warrior. We need God and each other for true healing. When you can move from ‘this happened to me’ to ‘I survived this’ to ‘God and family saw me through this’ and find pride in that, your scars are no longer ugly imperfections but beautiful reminders.

So today, I’m proudly showing you my beautiful scar.
Now, tell me, brave warriors, what beauty lies behind yours?

Real Rae

This post is going to be a bit different. It’s going to get real and gritty, but hold on. There’s light at the end!

Here you first see me on my way to visit family. I had a wonderful time and felt great. I love showing off this side of myself.

But then you see the side of me I like to hide. The side that battles chronic exhaustion due to various health issues. The side that straight up throws a tantrum (only on occasion) when her alarm goes off. The side who’s one goal is to survive work so she can go sleep the rest of the day. The side who pays for a day or two of fun with up to a week of Complete and Utter Exhaustion Mode, then comes out of it stressing over all the catching up she has to do.

But I think, that’s part of why I have enjoyed working on To Slay a Curse so much. Giselle’s quest to kill Devoron, this curse monster who lives within her mind, whom no one can see but has utter control of her life, has been so cathartic. And the best part is, she doesn’t do it alone. She has friends who stand by her, who show her she’s worth it, who remind her she is strong when she feels so weak.

So, for all my friends out there battling illness (be it physical, mental, or emotional), this is for you. On those days when you are certain you can’t do it. When you feel like your life is meaningless and all you want to do is go home and cry, remember this: you are strong, and you are worth it, and you are loved, and you are never alone. 
God’s got this. So take a breath, take a nap, eat some chocolate, and try again. Your Devoron can be beaten. He is beaten every time you refuse to give up. He is beaten every time you smile through the pain. He is beaten every time you laugh with a friend. So don’t give up: don’t let him win. And I’ll be right there with you, fighting on.